Of all kindnesses, lending books is the one which meets with the least return.
The farmer had watched the motorist working on his secondhand car for about an hour.
"What are you looking at?" asked the motorist. "Is this the first motor-car you ever saw?"
"No", was the dry reply, "but it’s very much like it."
The first mate of a cargo boat on a long slow voyage felt the strain so much that one day he took to drink and was drunk. The Captain was a very conscientious man. Although his first mate had never before behaved like this he could not overlook the occurrence and he made an entry in the ship’s log, "Today the first mate was drunk." When the first mate discovered this he expostulated with the Captain but could not persuade him to alter or erase the entry. "It’s the truth," said the Captain. A few days later the first mate was making the entries in the ship’s log and he wrote, "Today the Captain was sober."
First Plebe -"I got in trouble with the prof, this morning."
Second Plebe - "How come?"
First Plebe - "He said that all questions could be answered by yes or no, and asked if any one could give him one that couldn’t. I asked him if he had stopped swearing".
Little Boy - "Was that policeman ever a little baby?"
Mother - "Why, yes, of course".
Boy - "Oh, mummy, I should love to see a baby policeman".
Helen - "What kind of husband would you advise me to get?"
Hazel-"You get a single man and let the husbands alone".